4) Gel Pens

Similar to a rollerball pen, but more fun, the gel pen is capable of writing on a lot more surfaces that rollerballs. Appropriate for writing and drawing, gel pens also have much thicker ink, allowing them to come in a massive range of colours. An even cooler fact is that the pigments in gel ink are insoluble in water; this means that, unlike normal ink, gel-pen ink cannot be analysed using thin-layer chromatography and hence cannot be traced back to its manufacturer; is UNTRACEABLE! I don’t know why, but for some reason I shall hence conclude that people who use gel pens are mainly spies, terrorists, evil billionaires – or a combination of all three. I’m not sure why since, of all things, government agents, explosions and large amounts of money are probably well up in the “Top-10 Most Easily-Traceable of Things” chart. If there is such a list, which I expect there is.

In any case, such people are more likely to be traced by the fingerprints they leave on their gel pen than by the location of the particular factory that made the ink; but nevertheless I stick by my interpretation. These pens are also often popular with children, “graphic designers” and other people who are easily impressed by bright colours and glitter. “So…” you’re thinking to yourself, “If my target audience is terrorists or children, I should go with a gel pen!” Not so quick, punk; it’s not that simple. Despite the eye-catching colours and ease of use, the majority of gel pens that I have laid eyes on simply do not have enough room on them to write contact details of any kind, excepting those written in Braille or symbolic Morse-code. They’re not the cheapest of pens either so, all things considered, giving away expensive items with no sign of your company on them is about the worst kind of promotion that you can do.

--- Update! ---
Contrary to my last point; further research has suggested that gel pens come in a range of shapes and sizes! Curse my narrow mind; as narrow as a gel pen. Based on this new evidence, I would suggest gel pens instead of ballpoints if you can afford it.